Posts Tagged ‘Crocodile Dundee’


If you’ve already reviewed the list of the Top 5 Best Restaurants according to Charlie, you know that my dad is not a picky eater. Indulging himself with greasy Ivar’s fish and chips, McDonald’s Big Macs, and gravy drenched Denny’s cuisine is not exactly the makings of a culinary expert nor a healthy diet for that matter. However, for all his fat-injected, cholesterol-elevating, artery-clogging cravings, Dad also has his standards.

Don’t get me wrong; he’ll still clean his plate, but if anything – from the staff, silverware, or food – doesn’t live up to Charlie’s strict guidelines of taste and acceptability, he’ll find a way to bitch about it from appetizer to dessert.

What follows is Charlie’s Top 5 Worst Restaurants. They are, without a doubt, a selection of the last places you would ever want to take him for dinner or even suggest for a special occasion. His reaction could be potentially anywhere from a frown and a head shake to an open display of 3-year-old tantrum-like hostility.

You have been warned. (more…)


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If there’s anything Dad likes more than computers, it’s food. And not just any kind of food… well, actually no, that’s not entirely true. Charlie will eat anything you put in front of him. In fact, I remember distinctly a time when I was dishing out ice cream after dinner and when my sister, Leigh, complained about the brand or flavor, the following short dialogue ensued:

Me: “I scooped the same kind of ice cream for Dad and Dad isn’t complaining.”
Leigh: “Dad wanted to eat the scoop of ice cream that fell on the carpet.”
Me: “Touché, Leigh, touché.”

So, needless to say, Charlie is not exactly a picky eater, but he is a tough critic. If he likes something, he becomes overly animated about it. Sometimes he’ll even request it the next day and momentarily sulk if there are no leftovers. And what happens if Dad doesn’t like his food? Well, because he grew up in the generation of “Clean Your Plate!” (as did I by proxy) he’ll still eat it, but with the face of a 10-year-old being forced to eat his broccoli and brussels sprouts.

Over the summer, I’ve been trying to get Charlie to eat healthier.

  1. Sodium-filled TV dinners are replaced by fish and organic, free range meats and eggs.
  2. Greasy potato chips as a snack, substituted with apple sauce and carrot sticks with hummus dip.
  3. Sugary, frosting-covered donut desserts tossed out in favor of fruit smoothies with flax seed and pro biotic yogurt (the ingredients of which I have to repeatedly explain before he’ll agree to drink it).

This is a man who, when left to his own devices, nukes an entire package of bacon (sans plastic) in the microwave until it’s black and eats it all in one sitting. He needs help.

I’ve tried to explain that he must take better care of himself. His blood pressure is through the roof, he’s already had a couple heart attacks AND a quadruple bypass. Instead of eating the shite he chooses to eat on his own, he might as well have doctors shove a scoop of lard and a dozen maple bars into his arteries and get it over with!

Nevertheless, despite my best efforts, protests, and fruit smoothies to the contrary, Charlie still has his preferences and a routine to maintain. If I or my sisters aren’t cooking or it happens to be the day of the week Dad has penciled in a specific meal, there are five places he’s willing to patronizing (the consumer-type of patronizing rather than the condescending-type he’s more prone to). (more…)

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Photo Credit: slightlywarped.com

I asked my dad, Charlie, today, “What’s

your favorite movie?”

Dad: “Don’t have any.”

Me: “Don’t have any?”

Dad: “Hell no!”

Doesn’t everybody have a favorite movie?

“Did you like James Dean growing up?” I asked, assuming the answer had to be “yes” based on his pompadour hairstyle in high school and his trademark white tee (worn with or without a dress shirt depending on the occasion).

Dad: “Yeah, I suppose. That’s old stuff (though).”

Okay, this was going to be a challenge! What movies would Charlie consider worthy of his rigid approval? I know he’s got a preset list that, if you ask, he’ll always watch no matter the time of day, what he’s doing, or how recently he saw it last. My goal, however, was to create a Charlie’s Top 5 Favorite Movies and I only had 4 sure things.

Me: “Humphrey Bogart?”

Dad: “Nah.” (said with a grimace)

Me: “The Rock?”

Dad: “The what?”

Me: “Chuck Norris movies?

Suddenly Charlie’s eyes lit up.

Dad: “Oh, they’re fine, I like them. In fact I’ve got one of the trilogies!”

Armed with Chuck-fueled gusto, Dad immediately dashed over to his limited DVD collection and made a brief, futile effort to hunt down the Missing In Action omnibus (they were probably in the cabinet whose door is conveniently obstructed by an enormous speaker). Had he been successful I have no doubt we would’ve been treated with a marathon after dinner.

So now, armed with the assistance of Chuck Norris, without further ado, I humbly present to you the reader:

Charlie’s Top 5 Favorite Movies!

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